Grumpiness

As the weeks of pregnancy increase - so does a grumpiness factor. This is a direct result of walking funny, not getting a lot of sleep and realizing that you are really too tired to do anything but take naps and eat ice cream.

This was the week that I really started to notice that pregnancy has to only last 4o weeks, because there would be a higher murder rate in the world if it went any longer. With that said, I would like debut a helpful list. These comments have all been made to me in the past week.

Top 5 Comments/Questions That Could Shorten Your Life

This is a very last trimester-pregnancy-specific list. But a valid one that could save lives if they were avoided.

1) You are HUGE.

Really it could be any word related to size - enormous, gigantic, etc. Really? I am? I didn't notice that I was huge when it takes me a solid minute to get out of bed. To get out of bed, I have to do a crazy rocking motion and then use my legs for momentum. Due to my huge size. Thanks for the update buddy.

2) You look like you could burst.

I know I do. I feel like Violet from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory who had to be de-juiced to save her life. ("Violet - you're turning violet!") Again - these obvious statements really don't get a chuckle. They get a death glare from the pregnant lady.

3) You have to be ready to deliver any day!

No, actually I still have 3 weeks. But thanks for the reminder that I LOOK as though I am 40 weeks pregnant.

4) You look miserable.

This one is conditional. I had this comment made to me when I had actually made an attempt to look cute - somewhat do my hair and put on make-up and an ensemble that didn't include sweats and Crocs. Physically I am pretty darn tired, but I look miserable? I was trying to look happy. What do I look like when I don't try? Probably worse. :)

5) Are you having twins?/You have to be pregnant with twins!

Luckily for these people, I AM PREGNANT WITH TWINS, but what if I wasn't? What if my body just gets this big when I get pregnant next time with one baby? That comment would probably make me feel pretty bad. As of right now, it is just slightly irritating.

The only disclaimer to this list is a friend/loved one trying to be funny. As if you knew they were joking. For example - the husband can make those comments because it is his pregnancy too and he has a lawful obligation to love my body and the changes it is experiencing. If Darren told me I was huge, I would agree. Then ask him to get a bowl of ice cream for me - to which he would happily oblige. No hard feelings. The check out guy at Home Depot does not get the same consideration.

I am going to write out a helpful list of comments/questions that are kinder and less life-threatening.

Top 5 Comments/Questions That Are Perfectly Acceptable

1) When are you due?

This is a safe comment. But can only be followed with a surprised tone like - "Wow - you are almost there - you don't look like it!" Please don't say - "Wow - you look like you are much further along."

2) Are you having a boy or girl?

This is an easy question and you can focus on the cute baby/babies, not their huge mama.

3) You look incredible!

I know that in most of the cases when I hear this term - it isn't true. But guess what? It is SO NICE TO HEAR. So just tell a white lie and spare the pregnant lady.

4) Are you so excited for your baby/babies to come?

Again, focus on the babies. 99.9% of the time you won't go wrong. (There is a .01% failure rate, but it is very very rare).

5) I hope you are just relaxing and getting rest.

Why thank you. Sleeping is about the only thing I can manage to do :) And not even that well. So I take a lot of naps and drink a lot of cold water.

I bring up the grumpy comments because I had a "situation" this week. I had to get my teeth cleaned. The appointment was early in the morning and I had a rather sleepless night. I had to do that rocking motion thing to get out of bed and physically I was a little worn out. But I got up. Got dressed and lumbered to my appointment.

As soon as I walked in, there were a lot of questions and comments asking about due dates, sexes of the baby/babies. Not a problem. I don't have a problem with those questions at all. They are from kind, curious strangers. I told the ladies working the front desk that I was expecting a boy and girl. That comment usually causes a bit of excitement and again, I was tired, but I didn't mind it. These women were very sweet and excited except for one of them that asked this - "So, are they real twins? Or did a doctor have to help you?"

I can deal with rude people fairly well, but my filter is a little loose when I am really tired. Throw in some hormones, and it could get downright dangerous. Those questions were rude. She had hit on two things.

1) REAL TWINS? I have been carrying 2 babies for almost 9 months. They feel pretty REAL to me!

2) NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS old lady wearing Tinkerbell scrubs! I don't know you. So I don't want to discuss my medical past with you. Just focus on the health of my teeth.

It literally took me about 20 seconds to answer her because I was soooooo irritated. And for a second I thought - Since I am growing/creating two lives right now - doesn't that give me the right to end a life? Especially this one?

Eventually, I put away all of the inappropriate comments that I REALLY wanted to say and simply told her the truth. "Well, we had some trouble getting pregnant. We had to get a little help." Then I stopped talking for fear that something mean would come out.

After my teeth cleaning, I went hope and decided the best medicine for a morning like that was sleep. And maybe a bath, followed by another nap. And food.

This is what my shadow looks like at 35 weeks pregnant. I will post some happier thoughts this week along with some belly pictures, but I thought that even my shadow looks a little funny. :)